You are your own reality. Reality is your illusion and your illusion is your reality.
I saw meditation as unattractive, I didn't have time for that, I didn't get it. I just thought you sit and breathe. I think I finally understand it and I'd love to let you all know that while it is lovely to sit in a yoga position and hold stones and look all zen, meditation is entirely what you make of it and all about what you feel inside. It's not about what you look like or how big and deep your breathing can be.
Usually something sways in me as I watch the sky and observe the trees. Swaying calm, thoughtful. But today, nothing. The sparkle in my eyes is lost today. There's no motivation to get it back either. But Your mood, your presence effects your world. You are the creator of your experiences. I have a list of quick fixes for this situation, and I'm going to write about these.
I would save things for special occasions and not wear some things because they might get dirty. It took me a while to realise every day is a special occasion. I might be dead tomorrow. So I'm dressing in what I feel like dressing in and what I feel good dressing in.
You are worth this fight, the person at the end of this is worth this fight. Feel the emotions swirling around inside, listen to them, read between the lines. What do they mean? What do you need, really?
And there she sat, pensive and wistful, relaxed. Her obligations had blown away in the breeze. I admired her like this, the way in which she could attract only the attention of those curious about her mechanics and her world. She held a sadness, a deep sorrow as though she absorbed it all from the separate worlds of others.
It was hot. Condensation gathered on the windows of the metro train as people piled in and then pushed out again. I stared at everything. Some people stood so close to the doors that they opened millimetres from their face, then strode out, filled with hidden purpose. Everyone else did the same thing; they held the poles or sat down, swaying with the train. Automatic. They would take out books and huge newspapers in the smallest spaces. Some talked, but not many, this was “morning rush-hour, not a night out”. They were all a part of this big system, some looked down at me and I knew. I wasn’t part of the train.
Being loved by others is what most people think they need but actually they only want. Being loved by yourself is a kind of enlightenment, it's what you want but actually need.
It's impossible for us to get someone to be there alone, especially if you feel nobody is there already. So that's why we too have 'tantrums', and we all deserve to have them answered.
What we can work on and perfect is our ability to manipulate the way the environment affects our inner self, our mind. You can hugely change your perception or your feelings towards any environment you're in.